Updated
April 22, 2003
Well, I'm sitting
in a hotel room in Marlborough, MA on the 8th anniversary of my wedding
day to Katie. Not quite the greatest way to spend the day... I'm more
than a little down. Well, what can I do...
I've been traveling
a bit lately, and although it seems neat sometimes to be on the road,
I really miss my family. I seem to lose my patience a bit more, too,
and I don't like that.
It's not been
all bad, though. On the plus side, I am on a fairly cool project --
a business process assessment that will eventually save the client
a good bit of money, make their customers happier (make things move
quicker) and pretty much change the way they do business. That's quite
an honor to think that I can impact all that...
I've spent time
lately in Dallas [mediocre time on the road]; L.A. [cool place, but
still work]; and Marlborough, MA [rainy and cold, but a pretty part
of New England]. When I was in LA last week, I even got to see Keb'
Mo' in concert at the House of Blues -- very intimate setting, and
I had a great spot to watch the show! Truly a treat --
Last weekend
was Easter, and we did all the regular family things with Katie's
family; and Mom & Row came over to help hunt eggs. On Saturday,
we had a 'member's' preview at the Zoo for the Giant Eland -- the
largest of the antelope family. We had our friends Rob and Jenny (and
their boys) join us, and Jackson and Porter had a great time.
In general, we
have had pretty good times at home with the family lately, but I do
need to send a little message to Jackson, since I've been a little
hard on him lately. I'll let him know this in person, but I need to
put it here too, just so I remember it, and if he wants when he gets
older, he can see it, too.
Dear Jackson,
You're my son.
I love you and I wouldn't trade you for anyone or anything in the
universe. Sometimes I find it hard to do the right things for you,
though; and that's my own fault. Truth is sometimes I wish I knew
what the right thing was. I'm out of town at work now and feeling
guilty as only a Dad can. I lost it with you over the weekend and
I've been sick to my stomach about it for days. I screamed at you
so loudly my voice was sore, and I scared you. Jackson, I'm sorry.
A few weeks back, I promised
myself I was going to be a "Good Dad" a "Good Husband"
and try harder to be a "Good Consultant". Trouble is sometimes
I try too hard to do too many things and just get my priorities backwards.
As you exerted your desire to be independent -- something I know is
normal, and that I did myself as a boy -- something inside me kept
me from being "good Dad". I don't know what it is -- but
it's my own fault; not anything I can blame on your Mom, bills, work
stress or anything else.
Well, you know
what happened -- I screamed at you because I wanted you to stop throwing
a temper tantrum. I told you I'd spank you, and I gave you a swat.
I told you to be quiet. I got louder and louder. You cried. I felt
bad.
You are just being
a healthy, normal child who wants to be independent and dependent
at the same time. And I know why we're having difficulties -- I haven't
been around enough lately and I haven't been very patient. Oh, I may
say I have very good reasons for being busy. Making a living; Taking
care of my needs so I can take care of yours; Saving the world. But
the person I need to save....the person I need to be available for
is you.
I won't promise never to
worry about work; or bills; or your Mom; or never to raise my voice.
You and I both know that would be a lie. I just promise I'll try to
do better. I pray to God for help in being a better person for you
and Porter and your Mom. I'll start by hugging you and telling you
how much I love you and how proud I am of you.
Please forgive me.
Dad
