Updated
July 26, 2001
7.15.99
Stan's Orgy Scene
I just can't
figure this world out sometimes. It seems that everyone is up in
arms about all the nudity and simulated sex in the orgy scene in
the upcoming "Eyes Wide Shut" project. Well, from what
I can tell, the scenes that were edited didn't show anything salacious
or tit-ilating -- just bumping and grinding. Edited or not, it probably
doesn't affect the movie expderience or the message Stanley Kuberic
was making. What the forced editing does show, however, is the shallowness
in decisionmaking at the MPAA censorship, er, ratings board.
Hey guys, stop
the violence -- not the sex. Haven't you ever heard the phrase,
"Make love, not war." I would have rather seen the movie
take thhe NC-17 movie rating anyway. But that's a contracttual issue
. . .
7.8.99
More stupid
laws . . .
Here's one
from our friends in the beatuiful Northwest:
From a joint
resolution proposed in the Oregon Legislative Assembly in April
by Republican State Senator John Lim:
WHEREAS the late Governor Tom McCall foresaw that overpopulation
would decrease the quality of life in Oregon; and
WHEREAS overpopulation causes problems with infrastructure in this
state; and
WHEREAS overpopulation harms the air, the water, and the other natural
resources of this state; and
WHEREAS overpopulation has a negative economic effect on this state;
now, therefore, be it
RESOLVED by the Legislative Assembly of the State of Oregon that
the Department of Transportation is directed to place a sign at
each highway entrance to Oregon that states, ``You are welcome to
visit Oregon, but please don't stay.''
What a gross
waste of taxpayer time. Hey Oregon: Kiss my ass! I'm going to Florida.
6.22.99
How about
quality teaching?
Here's the
run-down on a story on 60 Minutes last week: "Nine-year-old
Greg Smith plans to cure diseases, bring peace to the world and
build space stations over the next 24 years. Then, when he's old
enough, he'll run for president. Farfetched? Not if you have one
of the highest IQs in the world."
Ok, yes, the
kid is a wiz. But that's not the point. The show also interviewed
his instructors and showed him working one-on-one with a select
team of teachers at his public school, tackling everything from
high-level math to the literary works of all-time masters. And it
showed his mom there, walking him between classes and taking care
of whatever came up during the day.
Sure, he's
bright, but what about the other kids -- the ones in classes of
25? What if every student -- even the normal ones -- had extensive
one-on-one teaching by the school's best teachers in each subject?
I think they 'd have a lethal combination of fantastic test scores
and super self-confidence in not just 9-year-old Greg, but in all
the kids.
And that would
be news.
6.9.99
My hash friends
have already seen this one, but for the rest of you, I had to pass
this one along -- not mine, but truly an "original."
Go Hashing.
(with apologies to Baz Lurhman and MARY SCHMICH of the Chicago Tribune)
If I could
offer you only one tip for the future, hashing would be it. The
long-term benefits of hashing have been proved by drinkers, whereas
the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering
experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power
and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand
the power and beauty of your youth until your knees are gone. But
trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can't grasp now how much hashing lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked drunk. You are not as drunk
as you imagine.
Don't worry
about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective
as trying to solve a check mark by standing still. The real troubles
in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your trail,
the kind that blindside you at Happy Hour on some idle Tuesday.
Run one place
every day that scares you.
Sing hash songs.
Don't be reckless
with other people's trails. Don't put up with people who are reckless
with yours.
Drink..
Don't waste
your time being FRB. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The hash is long and, in the end, it's only against the hare.
Remember down
downs you receive. Forget your lost on trails. If you succeed in
doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old
hash trash. Throw away your old beer cans.
Never Stretch.
Don't feel
guilty if you don't know where you want to go with your trail. The
most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 where they wanted
to go with their trails. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds
I know still don't.
Get plenty
of calcium and beer. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when
they're gone.
Maybe you'll
hare, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have bad trail, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll be dead on trail at 40, maybe you'll catch the hare
on your 100th hash. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself
too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half minded.
So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your
body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what
other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever
own. And playing it solo can be a source of personal pride and fulfillment
Hash, even
if you have nowhere to do it but in your neighborhood.
Read the trail
signs, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read
running magazines. They will only make you feel lazy.
Get to know
your fellow hashers. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your virgins. They're your best link to the hash and
the people most likely to hash with you in the future.
Understand
that hashers come and go, but with a precious few you should hold
on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because
the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when
you were young.
Live in New
York City once, but leave before it makes your knees hurt. Live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes your calves
ache. Travel to distant hashes.
Accept certain
inalienable truths: Trail will go uphill. DFLs will
whine. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize
that when you were young, distances were reasonable, Grandmasters
were noble, and virgins respected the hasher who made them come.
Respect your
Mismanagement.
Don't expect
anyone else to support your hash. Maybe you have a hash fund. Maybe
you'll have a wealthy pack. But you never know when either one might
run out.
Don't mess
too much with your traditions or by the time you're 40 you won't
recognize them.
Be careful
whose beer you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Beer
is a form of alcohol. Dispensing it to minors is a way of putting
yourself in jail.
But trust me
on the hashing.
5.28.99
Hey, is that
a violin case, Bruno?
Just when I
thought school violence couldn't get any crazier, I find this:
BURLINGTON,
Vt. - Police blew up a suspicious case at a middle school, later
finding a clarinet inside. The destruction of the case came about
after police found a threatening note in a girls' bathroom at
Hunt Middle School. Searching the school Tuesday, police said
two bomb-sniffing dogs barked at a clarinet case in a music room.
''In this day and age, with everything going on, if you're going
to make an error, you err on the side of caution,'' School Superintendent
Donna Jemilo said. Police were investigating why the dogs apparently
detected explosives in the case, said Sgt. Scott Davidson.
Look, I understand
kids are dying all the time in our schools for stupid reasons, but
we need to get a grip on ourselves. How many poor, defenseless musical
instruments will get blown to bits before we come to our senses.
People, STOP THE VIOLINS!
5.7.99
It's not racist
-- Just reality
Here's one
from the affirmative action files:
After Jesse
Jackson announced that he would come to Silicon Valley as part of
a crusade to combat the ``digital divide'' that caused black professionals
to be shut out of high-tech jobs, T.J. Rodgers, outspoken CEO of
Cypress Semiconductor, challenged Jackson to provide resumes of
any of the qualified people who were being ignored. ``With 115 open
positions, we could use them. We hire 500 people per year and still
never fully meet our needs---just like most other Silicon Valley
companies,'' Rodgers wrote in the San Jose Mercury News.
Rodgers noted
that in 1995, African-Americans accounted for only 1.2 percent of
doctorates in engineering and computer science, while garnering
12 times more medical degrees and eight times as many education
doctorates, a trend that he said had nothing to do with Silicon
Valley. All this was too much for John Templeton, spokesman for
one of the groups sponsoring Jackson's visit. ``We can now officially
describe Cypress Semiconductor as a white supremacist hate group,''
he announced in a press release.
4.29.99
Media leaches
feed on blood of dead children in Colorado.
The media is
sick -- and that's all I can say about it. The fact that they have
been touting their ratings during the school shooting aftermath
is a sign that money is all they truly care about. Remember that
next time someone in the traditional news media shouts about freedom
of the press.
Here's a sample
of their callousness:
Late on Tuesday
NBC spokeswoman Barbara Levin broke out the digital champagne and
poured a press release on the wires
celebrating dramatic audience increases for NBC NEWS at the height
of last week's school slaughter.
"As the
nation focused on the school shooting tragedy in Littleton, Colorado...
NIGHTLY NEWS posted double digit viewer growth in both total viewers
and homes," bragged Levin in a press release she issued on
AP NEWS EXPRESS.
MSNBC followed the example and issued its own shocking press release
claiming viewership records had been set during the
bloodbath.
"MSNBC's total day households grew an impressive 88% to a .5/259,000,"
declared MSNBC in a press release.
"MSNBC's broadcast of the NEWS WITH BRIAN WILLIAMS rocketed
105%" during the slaughter.
The press release continued: "MSNBC shattered its previous
peak quarter-hour record, scoring a 4.2/2,018,000 households during
John Gibson's interview with a Columbine High School student."
Not to be out done, Atlanta was also busy celebrating its increased
viewership with a press release that claimed dramatic gains.
"CNN's key demo more than doubles," noted CNN in a release.
Ted Turner's media relations office announced: "On April 20,
1999, the network's highest-rated day of the year to date,
CNN/U.S. posted total-day increases of 425 percent in rating and
409 percent in delivery, averaging a 2.1 rating and delivering
1.6 million homes. The network's delivery among adults 25-54 also
increased by 731 percent..."
...if only
the shooting would never end.
4.20.99
They're playing
our song
There's this
weird / cool song on the radio lately, more of an uncommon sense
advice song than anything -- I like it (even though some folks think
it's annoying as hell). Here it is. Words to live (sanely) by:
Lyrics to
the Baz Luhrman song : Everybody's Free
Written by:
MARY SCHMICH for the Chicago Tribune
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would
be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my
own meandering experience... I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth - oh, never mind, you will
not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have
faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay
before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat
as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or, worry. But know that worrying
is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at
4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind....the race is long, and in the end, it's only with
yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, and forget the insults. If
you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
life... the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what
they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting
40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children,
maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40. Maybe you'll dance
the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you
do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll
ever own.
Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living
room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings. They are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
- because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew
when you were young.
Live in New York city once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you
soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise, politicians
will philander, and you too will get old. And when you do, you'll
fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians
were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust
fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either
one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair; or by the time you're 40, it
will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply
it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing
the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly
parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
4.11.99
Grade School
Boozers
Now you all
know I enjoy a nice cold one at the end of the day as much as anyone.
But there's a difference between adult enjoyment and abuse by children.
I just hope the story below -- and the tons of others like it we
see on the nightly news -- doesn't give the neo-prohibitionists
an opening to take away more of our rights as law-abiding adults.
Not only should these stories make you concerned for the future
of our youth, they should also make you think twice about protecting
our freedoms.
Survey:
15 Percent of Sixth Graders Have Tried Beer
CINCINNATI
(AP) -- Some of the nation's fourth-grade students have already
started drinking beer and wine coolers or sniffing inhalants on
a monthly basis, a national organization that monitors drug use
among youths reported today. In a self-reported survey of 26,086
fourth-, fifth- and sixth-grade students nationwide, fourth graders
said they had used cigarettes (4.1 percent), beer (7.7 percent)
and inhalants (6.3 percent) at some time. Of those fourth graders,
2.1 percent said they drink beer, 2.2 percent drink wine coolers
and 2.2 percent use inhalants on a monthly basis. The initial use
of cigarettes increased to 7 percent in the fifth grade, and 14.8
percent in the sixth grade, while use of beer rose to 8.2 percent
in the fifth grade and to 15 percent in the sixth grade, according
to the survey by the Atlanta-based organization, Parents' Resource
Institute for Drug Education. The survey was released today as the
organization began a conference in Cincinnati. It was the organization's
first nationwide look at drug and alcohol use by youngsters. Peer
use was a factor influencing some youngsters to try drugs, alcohol
and cigarettes, organization officials said. But parents can be
influential in persuading youngsters to avoid using those things
simply by talking to their children before they experiment, officials
said. The study was conducted during the 1997-98 school year. The
organization sent a questionnaire to participating schools with
instructions for administering the anonymous questionnaire.
3.23.99
Oscar madness
Normally I
really don't care about Hollywood bickering, but this time, it really
got to me. The stink over the "Lifetime Achievement Award"
given Sunday to Elia Kazan is ridiculous. The man is a great artist
and deserves to be recognized for his talent.
For the likes
of Nick Nolte and his News Radio live in girlfriend, the fact that
Kazan spoke out and named names in the 50's is enough to wipe away
a slew of award-winning masterpieces. Not for me. I remember seeing
"A Street Car Named Desire" for the first time, and I
was blown away. Kazan made Brando a star and made us all scream
for Stella.
We may disagree
with the man's politics or his choices in life, but his art is undeniable.
The underlying argument against him: the people blacklisted as a
result of Kazan's actions had a 1st Amendment right to believe as
they did. Well, Kazan did, too. Rights, it seems, are a two way
street.
And don't even
get me started on the whole Peter Rose / Hall of Fame thing . .
.
3.18.99
Those pesky
kids . . .
A class report,
a jug of wine and -- trouble. A 12-year-old girl in Shawnee, Kansas,
has caused quite a stir with a report she gave at her elementary
school. The girl was doing a report on ancient Greece, and she had
permission to bring along white grape juice in an old wine bottle.
But, police say what she brought was real wine. The student poured
some for about a dozen classmates and her teacher, and the teacher
took one sip and knew it was the real thing. Of course, the kids
were too young to be drinking wine legally, so the police are investigating.
Gotta love
the kids nowadays!
